Fat Sucks And So Do Her Friends

My story starts out like most people's story. I've struggled with weight my whole life. Shock! Surprise. I bet you didn't guess that.

I think the first time I realized I was heavier than most of my friends was in 3rd grade.

For the last 18 years of my life I have struggled with body image issues. I'd venture to say most girls, teenagers, adults, have & do still struggle. So in this, I know I'm not alone.

The first time I ever dieted was when I was 12. Atkins. That was fun. We would go to Burger King, order the double whopper with cheese, because I mean cheese was allowed, never mind  it was processed crap cheese, and then we would remove the bun.

Then around the age 15-16 I was actually pretty skinny, according to dictionary of what skinny looked like for Sophie. I was on the drill team in high school. I wasn't the biggest girl on the team, but I was the second biggest. As you can imagine, once again, dealings with insecurities there. I did get my first boyfriend during those years. Makes me wonder if it was because I was in my skinny stage and that made me somewhat more attractive. Who knows. He thought I was pretty, we dated. Through high school I continued to struggle with weight. I quit drill team. Thus no exercise. Thus hello fat. My senior year I joined weight watchers. I lost weight. I mean don't we always lose weight when we are being held accountable. Once the accountability stops, so does the weight loss.

Well here I am 10 years later. Am I skinny? No. Am I healthy? Sorta. Do I have fat? Yes. Am I fat? No. Fat doesn't define me. I have eyelashes, but I'm not eyelashes. What has happened over the last 10 years? Well...college, diet, marriage (to my first and only boyfriend), work, weight loss pills, baby, diet, work, baby, diet, work, baby, you thought I was going to say diet didn't you? Don't lie.

Here I am nearly ten months later and all I have lost is my initial baby weight. I'm getting ahead of myself, let's back up a few years. After my first born, I lost 60 pounds. SIXTY. From 227-167. Got pregnant. Gained all my weight back. (That's sixty pounds incase you're not good at math.) Had baby. Watched what I ate & exercised. Lost 35 lbs. Got pregnant. Do you see a trend here? Every time I lose weight I get pregnant!  < That deserved bold font. I digress... This last pregnancy I got up to 245 pounds. That's insane. I've never weighed that much. The only time my body ever took me into the 200's was because I was pregnant. So 2 things I know, February 2012 is the smallest I have been in 12 years, weighing in at 167. The biggest I've been, post delivering a baby is, 230.

I've lost the weight before. I know I can lose it again. But what's different this time? Why is it so much harder? I'm glad you asked, because I'll gladly share. I work full time. I'm a mom of 3. Boys. Three boys. Ages, 4, 2.5, approaching 1. When I'm not working, I want to be with my husband and kids. I don't want to cook & exercise. That requires effort. Motivation. Something I clearly lack. So how does this mother of three, wife, and sign language interpreter lose weight this time around? The answer, I don't know. You were hoping I had an answer, huh? Yah, me too.

Something in me is going to have to click. I have lost count of how many times I thought that clicking moment has happened. The click is real. I've watched friends experience the click as I sit my butt on the couch and cheer on their Instagram posts.

I know deep down my body is screaming to get rid of the fat. This past rodeo season my feet hated me for forcing my overweight body to be carried all around that concrete jungle. So that's my story in a nutshell. This girl is making an effort to get her life in order. For MYSELF, my husband, and my kids.