I'm finally finding time to sit down and gather my thoughts... actually write them down. If I told you the real reason I wanted to start having kids, you'd call me crazy. Therefore, I'll keep that between God and me. I always wanted 2 kids. A boy and a girl. In that order. At 23 years old, I got my boy, Ezra. We knew we wanted another. We would soon find out we were having another boy. I remember thinking, "This is it. This is my last kid." I'll never forget, I was in line at Chick-fil-A, getting my spicy chicken biscuit (something I craved everyday during that pregnancy). I had been texting my dad that morning. I told him that after Levi we wouldn't have any more kids. His response: "That's sad... I had hoped you'd want a big family. I had always wanted more than 2. When you get older, you'll love that you had more. More to take care of you." That day, that conversation, changed everything. After Levi was born, like I mean right after I had just given birth to him, I remember immediately knowing in my heart Levi was definitely not going to be my last child. A few months later, we did it. We bought our swagger wagon. It had 4 seats in the back. At the time, we only filled up 2 of them. I recall telling Adam, "We are going to fill up this car!" I'm 99% sure Adam laughed, and then he followed that with a, "In your wildest dreams!" Well, a few months later, my wildest dreams came true! THIRD BOY! Asher. How lucky am I?! I get to have 3 boys who love their mama so much. There will never be a day in my life I will lack love or protection.
So that's the background to the part I really want to discuss. A BIG FAMILY. Now I want to know WHO decides what a big family is. Is a big family 3? 4? 7? 19? I mean, what is the answer? What's considered "normal"? "small"? Why the heck do people care? I think my biggest frustration has been unsolicited advice and opinions from others. Close family. Distant friends. Strangers. To the point I've said on occasion, "I just want to move far away... away from the opinions of others. Where I can just live life, grow my family, and enjoy the fruits of my labor (literally and figuratively)." If you would have asked me when I was younger if I wanted a "big family" I would have said, "No, I only want 2 kids. Party of 4." However, as I have started having kids, I have absolutely fallen in love with the role of "mom." I want more kids, but I want more kids without the eye rolls. Without the judgement. Without the "are you kidding me?" rolling around in the back of their heads. At the very end of the day, Adam & I are 100% completely responsible for our kids. Food. Clothing. Shelter. Potty Training. Education. Daycare. Sports. College. If we chose to have more kids, that's OUR decision. There will come a time when they will grow up and become adults. I like to think that far ahead. Will I be happy that I chose to have more than 2, more than 3, by gosh, dare I say possibly more than 4?? Speaking on behalf of Sophie in 20 years....30 years....40 years....50 years. I will be so glad I chose to have A BIG FAMILY!! Bring on the grand-babies. All the grand-babies!
